Ep. 320: "Every Daffodil in the City"
Merlin: Hello.
John: Hi John.
John: Hi Merlin.
John: How's it going?
John: Oh, pretty good.
John: I mean, I spilled some coffee on my lap this morning.
Merlin: Isn't that good luck?
Merlin: Is that a... Like when a bird shits on you or ran on your wedding day?
Merlin: That's like a Tibetan thing, right?
Merlin: I think so.
Merlin: Tibetans love coffee.
Merlin: They're always going on about coffee.
John: There's still coffee in your lap, and it means a good year, a whole year.
John: It's a Buddhist gift.
John: How much of your lap?
John: Hamada Kupada.
John: Hamada Kupada.
John: I got out, so I set my alarm for 7.30 to take my little child to school.
John: And I heard some thumping downstairs in the morning because I was up late.
John: And I was planning.
John: When I looked at the clock going to sleep, I was like, I'm going to get four and a half hours of sleep.
John: That's going to have to do.
John: And I set my alarm.
John: And then at 830, that's an hour after I set my alarm, four, I heard some thumping downstairs.
John: I woke up and I was like, oh, my alarm didn't go off.
John: My little child had gotten herself up and gotten dressed.
John: Aw.
John: And was thumping around as she does when she feels like it's time for daddy to get up.
John: Okay.
John: And I was like, oh, no, we are super duper late.
John: Ran downstairs, made her lunch, made her breakfast.
John: Basically, what I did was I made one meal.
John: I said, here's what you're going to have for breakfast.
John: Lunch.
John: You're going to have half your lunch for breakfast.
John: Is that all right?
John: And she was like, that's fine.
John: So I made breakfast lunch.
John: I put half of it in herbastic.
John: Pour it right into the backpack.
John: Just like thump, thump, thump, thump, thump.
John: Running around.
John: Today's stew day.
John: You know what today is?
John: Peanut butter and jelly sandwich and raisins and yogurt and applesauce all in a bag.
Merlin: Wow.
Merlin: Well, you got the supplies.
Merlin: That's awesome.
Merlin: Yep.
Merlin: You're already prepared for that.
John: Yeah, I'm prepared.
John: And I'm making coffee on my Keurig on the one hand, and I'm throwing my clothes on on the other.
John: And I run outside, and I'm like, sweetie, we might be late to school.
John: And she's like, do not get me late to school.
John: I was like, we are kind of close.
Merlin: That's become a very big deal, at least here.
Merlin: Oh, it's a big deal.
Merlin: You get a call, you get a letter.
Merlin: It's a big deal.
Merlin: Oh, well, the big deal.
Merlin: In public schools, you lose some of your funding when kids are absent.
Merlin: I know, I know, I know.
Merlin: I'm just telling you because they remind me.
Merlin: Even when it's an approved, pre-approved, we're going to tour a middle school today, we still get the auto call.
John: They're so mad.
John: And the thing is, we're taking her out of school for a week this spring, and it's going to be really tough.
John: We're going to get notes.
John: But the hot scolding I get is not from the school.
John: It is from the child who does not want to be one minute late.
John: Not only to the school, she doesn't want to be one minute late to the playground, the preschool.
John: Anyway, I run out and guess what?
John: It's a frost last night.
John: Every daffodil in the city is shrinking and going like, what?
John: It was 59 degrees two days ago.
John: So I have to scrape the windshield of the car.
John: a jump in the car with my my uh my beer stein full full of keurig coffee i see and i go to put the seat belt on and i'm a little groggy and i put the seat belt on over the coffee coffee went everywhere laps shirts the whole nine down soaking the underpants with hot coffee
John: And I'm like, okay, all right, okay.
John: It's fine.
John: It's fine.
John: The problem is the street.
John: And then I say to her, the problem is the streets are slippery now.
John: So daddy can't drive fast.
John: I have to drive cautiously.
John: Not because we couldn't be like fast and furious too, but other people don't know how to drive when it's slippery.
John: And so we drove to school the whole way talking about glaciers and how they work.
Okay.
John: Got to school with 10 minutes to spare.
John: I don't know how.
John: What?
John: I don't know how he went through some kind of space portal.
John: Can I ask what your start time is?
John: 9 10 she woke me up at 8 30 9 10 yeah 9 10 i know we're 750 i know it's pretty great we were 750 last year and it's it makes the whole moving out to the suburbs thing it makes it all make sense i don't have to get up apparently i don't have to get up till 8 30 that's such a normal time to send a child to school it makes total sense
Merlin: 9-10.
Merlin: I'm still, I mean, I don't want to be clear here.
Merlin: I think what you did is still Titanic.
Merlin: That's amazing that you were able to pull that off.
John: Yeah.
John: But 9-10 is a time late enough in the morning where a child might get themselves up and get themselves dressed without any parental supervision.
John: That's how reasonable it is.
Merlin: That's when middle school, around then, is when middle school starts for us.
Merlin: It's so... So that's the one part of middle school that I'm looking forward to.
John: Oh, every other aspect of middle school, they should be cutting trail.
Merlin: I went to an orientation the other night.
Merlin: It was not encouraging.
John: Yeah.
Merlin: I mean, it's fine.
Merlin: It's middle school.
Merlin: I mean, it's... What are you going to say?
John: I mean... It's so Lord of the Flies.
Merlin: It's a crucible.
Merlin: It's a crucible.
John: When I look back at middle school, oh, there are so many things.
John: You know, Garrett...
John: Garrett was a guy in my middle school who matured early Garrett.
John: He was tall but also built and also He wasn't like super.
John: What's the word articulate?
John: You're having fun with me and I remember when Garrett first when Garrett was walking down the hall in seventh grade and
John: with white jeans on.
John: And I'd never seen, I'd never seen white jeans.
John: And it was, uh, it was like the boldest move.
John: And if I had worn white jeans, it would have seemed like my mom found some tough skins on sale or something.
John: And I would have been, I would have been ridiculed for them.
John: Yes.
John: But Garrett, he went there.
Merlin: That's like wearing a vest.
John: I mean, that's a baller move.
John: Yeah.
John: He wore white jeans and it was just like revolution in everybody's mind.
John: And I mean, I swear to you, I still had a milk mustache all the way through seventh and eighth grade.
Merlin: Was Garrett doing that out of self-confidence, ignorance, or what?
Merlin: Yes, self-confidence.
Merlin: He felt it.
Merlin: He was in his corn.
Merlin: He thought, I'm going to do this.
John: All the way through high school, Garrett was one of those guys that could throw a football through a truck tire from 60 yards out.
Merlin: There's a kid in my kid's class who wears a coonskin cap every day.
Merlin: Every time I see him, I'm like, that kid is so fucking cool.
Merlin: I love that.
Merlin: I would never.
Merlin: I mean, I mean, sure, in the 50s, when Daniel Boone was real popular, that was the thing to do.
Merlin: But we're talking about 2019.
Merlin: The kid's wearing a coon skin.
Merlin: It's a very cool look.
Merlin: Does he have a slingshot made out of a stick in his back pocket?
Merlin: No, he's not a fetishist.
Merlin: He's just having fun with it.
Merlin: He's one of those kids who's like, he just wears whatever and it's okay.
Merlin: There are kids like that.
Merlin: You know, we wear a lot of brand, not branded as in like Izod, but you know, Steven Universe, Wings of Fire, a lot of stuff from like, you know, she's repping books that she likes a lot.
John: Well, so do you think that the kid's coonskin hat is a Wes Anderson reference?
Merlin: I don't know.
Merlin: I'm scared to ask.
Merlin: He's one of those kids.
Merlin: There's a certain kind of kid.
Merlin: I don't know how to describe this because it sounds creepy, but like there are certain kids who look like children from a children's book.
Merlin: They look like a drawing of a child.
Merlin: There are several kids like this that my kid knows.
Merlin: And I would say coonskin boy is definitely like that.
Merlin: He's got that perfectly, he looks like a Peanuts character.
Merlin: He's got a perfectly round face with freckles.
Merlin: And his pants are kind of high tides.
Merlin: But he's rolling with that coonskin cap.
Merlin: It must get hot.
John: Well, I mean, you make sacrifices for fashion, right?
John: Garrett couldn't spill any stuff on his pants, but Garrett wasn't going to spill stuff on his pants.
John: I had spaghetti sauce in three different locations on my clothes at all times and still do.
Merlin: Yeah, I got this brand new plastic ball shirt sweatshirt and it's already got bleach on it.
Merlin: Bastic ball sweatshirt.
Merlin: Yeah.
Merlin: Yeah.
Merlin: Yeah.
Merlin: Yeah.
Merlin: I mean, are you really doing this?
Merlin: Yeah, I bought it at the game.
Merlin: Yeah, I'm into it.
Merlin: I mean, it's real good.
Merlin: You know, you know, it's not brand.
Merlin: It's way off brand for me.
Merlin: I thought we both felt the same way about adults that wear sports clothes.
Merlin: We do.
Merlin: We do.
Merlin: It's okay.
Merlin: It's like flip flops.
Merlin: No, it's it's terrible.
Merlin: I shouldn't be doing it.
Merlin: But I admire those kids.
Merlin: I now see now I mentioned the Bastic ball players.
Merlin: You admire?
Merlin: Oh, you're talking about the kids that look like the peanuts.
Merlin: Well, I mean, Kevin Durant, what are you going to say?
Merlin: Clay Thompson, you know, you've got the Splash Brothers.
Merlin: What are you even talking about here?
Merlin: I don't know what to say.
Merlin: Are you kidding?
Merlin: Steph Curry could break the record for most three-pointers in a career, and he's 30 years old.
Merlin: Whoa!
Merlin: Don't even give a start on Clay Thompson.
Merlin: He's great in the key and with the three-pointers.
Merlin: Is this weirder than me announcing that I'm gay, to be honest?
Merlin: I'm out of the closet.
Merlin: I'm out of the basketball closet.
John: Shooting from the paint.
John: Best life.
John: Off the paint.
John: Somewhere close to the paint.
Merlin: Yeah, well, you know, they're...
Merlin: anyway um i um one of my all-time favorite outfits i mentioned this on another podcast of yore but my all-time favorite like i've just felt cool i felt good all-time favorite i think it was in sixth grade yeah i had white painter's pants oh yeah with a dallas cowboys baseball shirt like a you know three-quarter sleeve and i wore um work from work suspenders with it
John: Oh, yes.
Merlin: And I felt good.
Merlin: Thank you for that.
Merlin: I was rolling a full Garrett on that one.
John: I've told you, didn't I, that, you know, Izod shirts, of course, with the alligator were very popular right there before polo shirts.
John: What was yours?
John: Yours was off brand.
John: What did you have on yours?
John: So I was at the fabric store with my mom, strike one.
John: I hate that store.
John: And I was not leaning against the wall looking sullen, but I was actually going through the fabric store looking for cool things.
John: Uh-huh.
John: And I found the rack of little patches that you sew on things.
John: Right.
John: Like if you remember that famous picture of Keith Richards nodding off on the 1972 tour and he's got a patch of a mushroom sewn on the crotch of his pants.
John: Oh, I've seen that.
John: Sure.
John: Yes.
John: It's a great picture.
John: And I remember looking at that picture, not realizing he was nodding off on heroin, but just thinking like, oh, you get real relaxed.
Merlin: You sure do.
John: Yeah.
John: I was like, oh, rock stars just sleep in chairs.
John: It's like the coolest thing.
John: And look at that mushroom.
John: So I really liked the idea of patches sewn on.
John: Patches and appliques.
John: Yeah, just sewn on weird places.
Merlin: Because I was like, oh, it's in the crotch of his pants, of course.
Merlin: That was still in the blood system of America a little bit, like hippie pants.
Merlin: You get some hippie pants and put a mushroom on your crotch, sure.
John: Little bit, little bit.
John: So it's weird to think, but I think this is true.
John: In 1982, denim jackets were not in style.
John: There was a brief period there where denim jackets were like trucker.
John: And trucker had gone out.
John: And we were into surfer, preppy, surfer, right?
John: And so denim jackets were not a good thing.
Merlin: For me, that was lightning bolt shirts, Nike shirts.
Merlin: Right, sleeveless shirts.
Merlin: But also, yeah, polo shirts for sure, yeah.
John: So anyway, I was in this situation.
John: I was going into freshman year.
John: I was at Sears.
John: And I saw denim, like a Levi's jacket.
John: And I was like, I really want that.
John: And I knew it was out of fashion, but I wanted it because it seemed like something that a grownup would wear.
John: Yeah.
John: And I got it.
John: And then I was at the fabric store and there was this alligator.
John: Yeah.
John: And the alligator was about three times bigger than the Izod alligator.
John: And the alligator was smiling.
John: And I think he was given a thumbs up sign.
John: And I was like, I love that.
Merlin: I hate the idea of alligators with thumbs.
Merlin: That's going to keep me up.
Merlin: That's too much power.
Merlin: No one reptile should have all that power.
John: Oh, you know what?
John: You're right.
John: It could steer a car.
John: It could shift gears.
Merlin: Yeah.
John: An alligator.
John: Okay.
John: So anyway, this was like smacking the accelerator with its tail.
John: Just like, but this was, I called this the smiling alligator because he was, he was looking, he had, he was cheeky.
John: if it had been animated his teeth would have had a little glint anyway anyway i was like mom can we get this alligator and it was 25 cents or 50 cents she got the alligator she sewed it on the levi's jacket for me wow and i and i felt like i was making a statement against
John: Oh, yeah, you're culture jamming.
John: I was super culture jamming.
John: I was just like, haha, you guys got alligators on your shirt?
John: Check it out.
John: But the other thing was, my mom would never have spent the money on your shirt with an alligator.
Merlin: My mother was philosophically, I mean, we didn't have the dough.
Merlin: We didn't have the income for her to buy me all the status items.
Merlin: I almost always had the off-brand version of something, and you certainly wouldn't get the latest.
Merlin: Stadia!
Merlin: Stadia!
Merlin: I remember my junior high school colors were orange and blue.
Merlin: And I had a pair of orange and blue fake Nikes from JCPenney.
John: Yeah, Stadia.
John: The one that had a swoop, but actually if you looked at it... It was an upside down one, right?
John: Well, there was one that was a whale.
John: There was a Nike swoop, but it looked like a whale.
John: And I had those.
John: And eventually I got enough...
John: status awareness that I was like, look, I can't wear the shoes with the whale.
John: I don't need the shoes with the swoop.
John: I can just wear plain shoes.
John: But the shoes with the whale, it's just too much.
Merlin: That's what's so great about the 3X smiling alligator.
Merlin: It's just like, it's such a misapprehension of what a status simple is.
John: It was such an F you.
John: And my friends who were trying to make it in the world, my friend Kevin, who we talked about before, who was trying to make it in the world and successfully was making it in the world.
John: He was like, look, man, I don't get what you're all about, but that's cool.
John: You and I are fine, but I can't.
John: I just can't.
John: hang with the smiling alligator on the Levi's jacket such that we have to sit separately at the lunch table.
John: After school, we can go listen to Billy Squire up and down.
John: He gave you kind of an ultimatum in some ways.
John: He was just like, I gotta rep...
John: like it's not against you i just have to rep a certain thing because girls and also like i don't want you're a major albatross and i was and the thing is i was like i know i know it's fine like go your own way he was like you're wearing army pants like army pants did you ever wear the flight suit to school no i wasn't allowed weren't allowed because you were stealing valor no it wasn't that she was just like i mean it was the it was the 80s there were still standards
John: And she was just like, no, you have to wear pants and a shirt and maybe a v-neck sweater.
John: And I was like, oh, come on.
John: It's not that I'm not into the v-neck sweater.
John: It's that the light suit is so – she's like, no, it's pajamas.
Merlin: Yeah.
Merlin: But anyway, we had hard and fast rules about that.
Merlin: Like what you wear to church, what you wear to school.
Merlin: I was not allowed to wear jeans to school.
Merlin: Whoa, see?
Merlin: They had to not look like dungarees.
Merlin: Oh, that's standards.
Merlin: Could you wear orange jeans?
Merlin: Well, I have white ones.
Merlin: I have white painter's pants.
Merlin: It had a little handle right there.
Merlin: You could stick your brush in.
Merlin: You could stick your hammer in it.
Merlin: You could put your comb in one of those side pockets.
John: Did you have a tall comb?
Merlin: Like a goodie?
Merlin: Yeah, sure, sure, sure.
Merlin: I almost always carry a comb.
Merlin: And sometimes I had a goodie in the back pocket.
John: Yeah.
John: So it's, yeah, a goodie in the back pocket.
John: Now, I was not that cool.
John: I did not carry a comb in my back pocket.
John: I never could feather my hair.
John: My hair had the consistency of a mop, and it wouldn't feather.
Merlin: Oh, mine just goes limp.
Merlin: I haven't got my hair cut since May.
Merlin: I've been kind of doing a growing out the hair thing.
Merlin: And boy, I really look like a, I don't know, somebody who recently got pinched for meth.
What?
John: What was the last time that you had long hair?
Merlin: I'm not talking about like longish hair.
Merlin: Last time I had long hair was 1989.
Merlin: Last time I had legitimately ponytail hair was 1989.
Merlin: I've had floopy French boy hair in the 90s.
John: I've seen your floopy hair.
Merlin: Yeah, I have floopy hair.
John: Could you go now, like 52-year-old dad or whatever, long hair?
John: That's kind of what I'm going to try one last time.
Merlin: Yes, I'm so into it.
Merlin: So where I am now is I look a little bit.
Merlin: See, I almost want to take pictures, except I hate putting pictures on the internet.
Merlin: But it really changes from day to day.
Merlin: Sometimes I look like maybe a Lance Kerwin.
Merlin: Like James at 16.
Merlin: Is that a basketball player?
Merlin: No, no, no.
Merlin: You're thinking of James Harden, I think.
Merlin: Okay.
Merlin: Houston Rockets.
Merlin: Sure.
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Merlin: The thing to understand about James Harden is he's not just a great player.
Merlin: He is a player.
Merlin: I'll send you an article about it from the web.
Merlin: He's a different, quantifiably different kind of player.
Merlin: He's like playing a different game.
John: Does he shoot the basketball straight at the net without any alley-oop?
Merlin: He can shoot it from far away.
Merlin: He has off-the-charts unassisted three-pointers, which is very interesting.
Merlin: Now, let's see that with the Warriors.
Merlin: They're a big passing team.
Merlin: I'd like to see them work on their defense a little more.
Merlin: But they do pass a lot.
Merlin: And you'll get like a three-person involvement in a three-pointer.
Merlin: They're good at that.
Merlin: They're not fast.
Merlin: They're sudden.
Merlin: They're very good.
Merlin: So that's James Harden.
Merlin: What was I talking about?
Merlin: I'm not sure.
Merlin: I really don't know.
Merlin: And then other days, I look like Shemp a little bit.
Merlin: Okay.
Merlin: Like imagine part of the middle and just goes straight down.
Merlin: Yeah, I know that look.
Merlin: That's a great look.
Merlin: I can share that this part right back here in the back, like when I'm looking in the mirror, it's long enough to curl up in the back a little bit.
Merlin: That's good.
Merlin: You've got good hair.
Merlin: I have narrow hair.
Merlin: I have dense, narrow hair.
Merlin: Yeah, that's me too.
Merlin: We've talked about this.
Merlin: We got the blonde problem.
John: But I've never... Even when you were going for your, like, my hair!
John: Even when you were doing that, like, look, my hair!
John: It was always great.
John: I always loved it.
Merlin: No, no, no.
Merlin: The picture of me and Ken Stringfellow when I had orange hair.
Merlin: You were like, hair!
Merlin: Really bad.
Merlin: Really bad.
Merlin: I was at my high weight at that point, too.
Merlin: I was about 35 pounds more than I am now, and I did not look good.
Merlin: Some people look good.
Merlin: Some people fill out.
Merlin: They glow.
Merlin: But I just looked...
Merlin: Oh, man.
John: You're going to be spectacular with long hair.
John: I think it's a major, major, major statement of, like, here I am, world.
Merlin: My family's supportive.
Merlin: My family's very supportive of it, which is strange.
Merlin: I live in the woods and they don't mind.
John: But your daughter isn't afraid that you're going to you're going to embarrass her.
Merlin: Oh, that's a very, very different conversation.
Merlin: Oh, no, no.
Merlin: There are many articles of clothing I'm not allowed to wear to school.
Merlin: The cascade of what I'm allowed to do in public with her is.
Merlin: has gone down to getting narrower and narrower.
Merlin: It started as, obviously, don't sing songs from Les Mis, and then that got reduced down to, like, don't tell jokes.
Merlin: I'm not allowed to show her a YouTube video while we're walking around.
Merlin: I'm not allowed to... She's like, Dad, please, seriously.
Merlin: But I still get a hug and a kiss, which is nice, but then she's out of there.
John: I got a kiss this morning, but it was, we were 300 yards from the school when she said, can you just drop me off here?
Merlin: Yeah.
John: And I was like, you're seven and a half.
John: This is a known issue.
John: Yeah.
John: I mean, I was wearing a sword, but, and I had coffee spilled from my belly button to my knees.
John: Maybe that was it.
Merlin: Yeah.
John: Maybe it was that I looked like.
John: Oh, your giant wet crotch.
John: Yeah.
John: Maybe it looked like I wet myself.
Yeah.
John: I was explaining to, so my sister's birthday was the other day and we were at a, you know, we had a birthday party for her.
John: And you know, I live in a world entirely of women.
John: Oh, I know.
John: It's all women all the way down.
John: And they were talking about a new or semi-new invention that allows girls to pee when they're standing up.
John: Because my sister goes on adventures and her girlfriends all go on adventures and they're always on adventures.
John: And they're like, ah, the worst part about – because they're going on an adventure to Nepal.
John: And they're like, the worst part about it is there's no place to go to the bathroom.
John: And so my sister was like, oh, but there's this thing, this thing called Peabody or something.
John: And if you get a Peabody, you know, and I'm just sitting at the table.
Merlin: If memory serves, it looks kind of like you cut the bottom off a two liter of Coke and then there's a tube.
Merlin: So you can fix that appliance to your downstairs area and simulate a urethra.
John: My sense of the Peabody was that it looked like a coffee filter except made of wax, but I was just going on descriptions.
Merlin: Sounds kind of steampunk.
John: I'm looking off just picking at the calamari while they're all talking to each other like, this is amazing.
John: And Susan said, the thing is you have to get one and practice in the shower because you have to learn how to use it.
John: You don't expect to know how to do it right away.
John: That makes sense.
John: There's a lot of talk about like how to.
John: And the thing is, you know, like my daughter also is not.
John: She was curious about it.
John: Like you can pee standing up.
John: They were like, yeah, it's really amazing.
John: But you have to practice.
John: And then they all kind of did that thing where they they looked at me and they were like pee standing up.
John: Right.
John: and i wanted to make peeing standing up i wanted to qualify it and say like it's not the greatest thing i mean it's great let's be honest it's pretty good but but there's a pro you know there there are problems and they were like what are the problems and i said well sometimes if you're wearing a really long shirt
John: You know where I'm going with this?
John: You pee on the end of the shirt.
Merlin: Yeah, you need to kind of, what's the word I'm looking for?
Merlin: Like gather all of the hanging parts.
Merlin: You need to gather belt part, gather underwear part.
Merlin: You need to make sure everything is out of the zone.
John: Have you ever peed on the tip of your belt?
Merlin: I've peed on everything.
Merlin: Of course you have, right?
Merlin: I've peed on everything.
Merlin: As part of my ongoing practice living with my women all the way down, I try to make a study of always having the lid up, want to make a number one, and trying to check for splatter.
Merlin: And I'm frequently shocked at how much splatter there is, even on the floor.
Merlin: I'm hitting the bowl, but the bowl's doing its own back business.
Merlin: The bull does its own back business.
Merlin: It hits it right back at you.
Merlin: It returns your fire.
John: Which makes you realize how much pee there is on the bottom part of your pants, even.
Merlin: Oh, play it, sister.
John: Your jeans from your knees to your ankles.
Merlin: This is a problem with khakis.
John: Khakis are a known issue.
John: So anyway, I'm saying sometimes you pee on your belt, sometimes you pee on your shirt, but they're looking at me like, well, that's
John: an example of you being incompetent it's not an example of there being anything fundamentally wrong about peeing standing up and I was like okay I mean yeah sure
Merlin: but also no it's like it's it splashes and they're like no i don't think so i think that's you peeing on your shoes i was like well i mean there's truth to that okay so so that's wow especially when you're surrounded by several people holding that opinion that's really speaking truth to power saying you get you get the privilege of peeing standing up and it's your fault for fucking it up peeing on your pants and whatnot
John: So what I was like was go ahead and practice in the shower all you want with your Peabody.
John: But like you're going to see that it comes with problems and responsibilities.
John: Now you're going to have splatter.
John: Now you're going to have to clean up the potty when you go number one.
John: And they're like, no, no, no.
John: We still sit on the potty if there's a potty.
John: I was like, oh, right, right, right, right.
John: All right.
John: Well, I don't know.
John: Anyway, moving right along.
Merlin: So did you walk her into the school with your wet, wet pants on?
John: No, no, no.
John: She stopped me 300 yards out.
Merlin: That's right.
Merlin: Okay.
Merlin: And so she's going to walk in on her own.
Merlin: And so did you change them when you came home?
John: Yeah, I did.
John: I came home and I put on new everything because it was cold by that point.
John: It was cold.
John: Of course.
John: Of course.
John: A horse is a horse.
John: But, you know, the double problem is now I have to wash my jeans.
Merlin: And as you know, we don't wash our jeans, you and I. You could give it a just above room temperature rinse with some of that.
Merlin: What's that called?
Merlin: The Woolite Black.
Merlin: Is that what we're calling it?
Merlin: Black.
Merlin: African-American.
Merlin: You put some of that in.
Merlin: I've never heard of that.
Merlin: Oh, it's good.
Merlin: I learned about it from that Jesse Thorne show.
Merlin: about clothes he has a he has a clothes show i know this is like six years ago whenever he and sandwich first made that show but i still follow their method which is you turn your jeans inside out you put them in the bathtub with some not too hot water and some moonlight black and that keeps i'm writing this down but what but what is i've got a three by five card uh let's see wait wait i can make the sound hang on oh i cleaned up my desk and now i don't have anything here we go
Merlin: Oh, my God.
Merlin: I've got some hydrogen peroxide.
Merlin: I've got a knife.
Merlin: I've got a knife.
John: You've got hydrogen peroxide right on the desk?
Merlin: Oh, yeah.
John: Right here.
John: For what?
John: What do you do with it?
Merlin: I swish.
Merlin: Oh, in your mouth?
Merlin: I swish in my mouth.
Merlin: Oh.
Merlin: I'm a big swisher now.
Merlin: Oh, yeah.
Merlin: Oh, yeah.
Merlin: Then I go into the bathroom.
Merlin: I spit it out.
Merlin: Oh, you don't have a spittoon?
Merlin: No, I don't.
Merlin: I could put it in this bucket, but I don't know.
Merlin: I don't want a whole bunch of that.
Merlin: I don't want a whole bunch of accumulated liquid near me.
John: Well, sure.
John: I mean, but you still, I don't want to give too much away, but you still pee in a jug, right?
Merlin: Well, pee in a jug.
Merlin: I mean, I'm a podcaster.
Merlin: I'm a professional.
Merlin: Sure, you're like an airline pilot.
Merlin: No, I mix your aid into a bespoke container when needed.
Merlin: If you ever hear me not talking for 30 seconds, you know something's up, obviously.
Merlin: Right, mute, mute, right?
Merlin: That's a good point.
Merlin: That's a good point.
John: i uh i i always assumed that like something like a spittoon because you liked that show well you liked the west world right yeah i saw that and what about the show where uh where the nancy spongen talked dirty in the black hills of black mountain hills of dakota okay i can do this dead deadwood right
Merlin: you liked that show a lot right yeah i mean i like uh off kilter premium westerns as much as anybody i don't have a daniel boone hat but yeah but i would think that you i would think that a spittoon you know right next to your wilberforce doll oh yeah like a brass one like a really nice brass one i could spit my hydrogen peroxide in there there's a lot of mud in those towns they're always facing mud there's a lot of mud think about the p on the bottoms of their pants
Merlin: Right.
Merlin: Right.
Merlin: I mean, how often have you dropped a Duke in the wild?
Merlin: Like, I'm guessing you've done it five or more times.
Merlin: A lot.
Merlin: Because of your walk, you would have done a lot of Dukes.
John: A lot of that.
John: A lot of, you know, I used to be a canvasser.
John: uh for ralph nader in the late 90s and you're out and you're out in the suburbs and you've got to go poo and you go to a house ding dong hi i'm here for the national environmental law center but also can i use your bathroom can i ruin your bathroom people don't they're not into it john is unsafe at any speed they're like a guy just rang the doorbell he wants to get he wants me to give money and also wants to use the bathroom
John: So sometimes I would go, you know, suburban areas.
John: It's rough.
John: They have a lot of trees, though.
John: Oh, that's true.
John: And so I would go into the trees and I would just like I would use my, you know, because I had a clipboard that was full of brochures and stuff like here.
John: Why don't you take a brochure?
John: And maybe, you know, no one ever does.
John: No one ever donates.
John: But they're like, can you just give me some something to read?
John: You know, it's just a way to get a kid off the off your doorstep.
John: So I had a lot of that stuff.
Merlin: Oh, and you used that as like a scraper?
John: Yeah.
Merlin: Okay.
Merlin: I remember one time at band practice, our band practice, like everybody, was in a storage shed with a garage door, and there were no bathrooms.
Merlin: Yeah.
Merlin: One morning in particular, we brought the ADAT out, and we were going to have a long day of recording for one of our cassettes.
Merlin: And we had gone out to breakfast before and had some coffee.
Merlin: This is Bacon Ray.
Merlin: This is Bacon Ray, Tallahassee, Florida.
Merlin: And yeah, I had to go out by the fence and have a little alone time.
Merlin: I'm sympathetic to the idea that to do your business, you have to crouch in the wild.
Merlin: I'm sympathetic to that.
Merlin: This is not virtue signaling.
Merlin: I do think we have an advantage very much in that instance.
Merlin: I'm just saying, if everything you have to do involves sitting down, crouching...
Merlin: I don't know.
John: Crouching is a thing that some people can do.
Merlin: Americans don't crouch as much as other people's.
Merlin: Squat.
Merlin: Squat, they call it.
Merlin: Squatting.
Merlin: Squatting is like a standard way to not be sitting in public, and we don't do it as much.
Merlin: People squat.
Merlin: They squat all day.
Merlin: Isn't squatting big in Asia?
John: Well, I think it's very big in the Slavic countries, too.
John: Squatters.
John: Yeah, I think dudes, if like five dudes are standing around.
John: You smoke a cigarette and you squat.
John: In Poland, yeah, they all squat down.
John: Like we stand around, right?
John: You lean against a wall or whatever, you prop yourselves up.
John: But they just like zoomp, their butts go down, and then they're just chilling.
Merlin: I heard that.
John: It's a relaxed position.
Merlin: I heard that perhaps over a decade ago and started adopting it myself.
Merlin: Squatting.
Merlin: Yeah, because everybody says the countries they all squat.
Merlin: It's sort of like not to make this whole show about poop, but it's sort of like the way people in many Asian countries and Africa look at us and they're like, what are you doing?
Merlin: Wiping your ass with dry paper.
Merlin: That is so, so weird.
Merlin: Why don't you squat over a hole and then have a washcloth?
Merlin: Which to us sounds barbaric, but to them, it's like, well, no, what are you going to do?
Merlin: Put some paper in your hand and rub it on your ass?
Merlin: What makes you think that gets something clean?
Merlin: So I'm trying to say I want to be open-minded to the idea that there are different ways to do things.
Merlin: Now, squatting could cover a couple of those bases.
Merlin: Squatting is a good way to wait for a bus, but you look like a weirdo.
Merlin: You look like a weirdo when you're squatting.
Merlin: To me, you do.
John: You look like a golem or something.
Merlin: Well, yeah, like a white American guy squatting looks dicey.
John: Well, also, I think you have to be wearing a black tracksuit and maybe a flat cap to properly squat as a...
John: As somebody who's just chilling with the bros.
John: I got it.
John: That's a good look.
John: Yeah.
John: Black tracksuit, black Adidas tracksuit, or maybe off-brand Adidas tracksuit, Adidas-y tracksuit.
John: Or maybe what's the one?
John: Stadia.
John: Not the one with the tiger, but the one with the... What does it have?
John: It's like a...
Merlin: you know the one i'm thinking of it's got it's like fila maybe it's fila oh fila i feel like everything's under armor now i i must have slept through the under armor thing because now under armor is everywhere in fact my food tracking app that i use on my phone is made by under armor or under armor under armor you know that logo you see that logo everywhere you probably don't know what it is
Merlin: I don't know what it is.
Merlin: Under Armour.
John: Under Armour.
John: Is it Armour with a U?
John: Yes.
Merlin: Oh, see, I have seen this.
Merlin: Don't you see that logo everywhere now?
Merlin: I have seen this because I know what it is.
Merlin: Now this is your water fountain moment.
Merlin: Oh, I do know that logo.
Merlin: Now this is your water fountain moment.
Merlin: Now you're going to see it everywhere.
Merlin: Oh, it says here that it's a footwear company.
Merlin: Well, they make a lot of technicals.
Merlin: They make yoga stuff, running stuff.
Merlin: They make it all.
Merlin: They make tons of T-shirts.
Merlin: And I think the owner might be conservative, but I'm not sure.
John: I missed this.
John: I missed this entirely.
Merlin: I know about Lululemon.
Merlin: Lululemon.
Merlin: They had a revolution in yoga pants, right?
Merlin: I remember the yoga pants revolution.
Merlin: I lived through it.
Merlin: It's still there.
Merlin: I mean, yoga pants are still the thing.
Merlin: I think these millenniums, they're killing jeans.
Merlin: Everybody wears athleisure wear now.
Merlin: Athleisure wear.
Merlin: Which is an excellent word.
Merlin: Athleisure wear.
John: Athleisure wear.
John: Athleisure wear.
John: Yeah.
Merlin: It's not sweatpants.
John: It's athleisure.
John: Athleisure.
John: Athleisure.
John: Athleisure.
Merlin: Let's learn about athleisure.
John: Athleisure.
Merlin: um athleisure athleisure is a trend in fashion in which clothing designed for workouts and other athletic activities is worn in other settings such as at the workplace at school or other casual or social occasions so does this is this like part of your basketball shirt revolution oh no this is a like i'll send you a photo of it it's a big like old school hoodie shirt
John: Oh, but this is, yeah, I see what you mean.
John: Like, everybody's wearing tights now.
Merlin: Well, yeah, I would think of fleece as being a little bit athleisure, wouldn't you?
Merlin: Yeah, well, that's like hiker-biker leisure.
Merlin: I feel like yoga pants are the ur-athleisure.
John: Yoga pants.
John: Yeah, right.
John: Or like I'm seeing a picture here.
John: I put athleisure in.
John: I'm seeing a picture of somebody like walking, but she's in a sports bra.
John: But it's like a top now.
John: It's not a bra.
John: It's like a outfit.
Merlin: Oh, yeah.
Merlin: No, the tide has shifted for shizzle.
Merlin: Here's what I'll send you my sweatshirt.
Merlin: I sent you a picture of my daughter's basketball team.
Merlin: Oh, I did.
Merlin: And they're amazing looking.
Merlin: That's the make a funny face photo.
Merlin: Their coach is fun.
Merlin: I like him.
Merlin: Sure.
Merlin: Yeah, so there's my sweatshirt.
John: And, you know, the thing about the basketball picture is there's no squatting.
John: There's kneeling.
Merlin: They're instructed.
Merlin: They're instructed on how to put their knees.
Merlin: Oh, yeah.
John: Yeah.
John: I'm waiting for the sweatshirt.
John: That's a really long URL.
Merlin: Sorry about that.
John: Oh, it's okay, but look at that sweatshirt.
John: It's very handsome.
Merlin: It's their tribute to Chinese culture shirt.
Merlin: It's a really good uniform.
Merlin: It's my favorite of their uniforms.
John: Tribute to Chinese culture shirt.
John: Mm-hmm.
John: Tribute to Chinese culture shirt.
John: Tribute to Chinese culture shirt.
Yeah.
John: It's a tribute to Chinese culture shirt.
John: Sure.
John: Tribute to Chinese.
John: Oh, I see.
John: I see.
Merlin: It's a little bit.
Merlin: Now, I also have the T-shirt of this, which is a good deal more ping pong.
Merlin: Here comes John.
Merlin: Hey, guys.
Merlin: He's getting on the bus.
Merlin: The numbers on this shirt, on the Jersey-ish shirt, are a little bit ping pong.
Merlin: They've got a little bit of that takey-out-y, fly-lice kind of feeling to them.
John: Oh, I see what you're saying.
John: Yeah.
John: Yeah.
John: I don't know how far you can go there.
John: You know, I have a bunch of Cowichan sweaters, as you know.
John: Cowichan.
John: When I was up in Vancouver and the Stop Podcasting Yourself Homeboys were like, we don't say Cowichan or Cowichan, we say Cowichan.
Cowichan.
John: And I was like, okay, well, we're in BC.
John: And so I'm going to... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
John: I've seen you in these.
John: Sure, yeah.
John: Because this is my life hat.
John: You know, my life hat is a Cowichan.
John: But I'm like, I'm going to defer to your pronunciation here because you're BC people.
John: And so if you say Cowichan...
John: i guess i i guess i take my toque off to you or you know like yeah sure okay sure but then when i came back home everyone because not everybody knows about them but the people that do like the koechin people i see here the pendleton makes one it looks like well yeah but that's different that's pendleton does that southwest look and koechin is not southwest look it's north coast it's like
John: plink it hide uh uh looking stuff um the story is that the the original scot the original scots that came the first whites that came here brought sheeps because because they were like sheeps are our thing like scottish people go with their sheeps they brought sheeps and then the the indigenous people of the region who had been making woven garments out of
John: uh, like straw or like local bark.
John: They'd already been, they already have had a culture of weaving.
John: The Scots were like, we'll check out the sheeps and the wool.
John: And the, the local tribes were like, Oh, well we can weave stuff out of that too.
John: And they started making these sweaters.
John: I see long time back.
John: Right.
John: Anyway, then in the fifties in Canada particular, uh,
John: There was this, I guess, a lady named Mary Maxim, and she took the Cowichan, and I'm going to call it that because that's what we call it here.
John: Okay, okay.
John: We don't say Cowichan.
John: We say Cowichan.
John: Everybody I know in the Northwest that isn't Canadian says it the way that I say it.
John: Anyway, Mary Maxim.
John: You know, you all put on airs.
John: well, sure, I'm not like Cowichan.
John: And then everybody down here is going to be like, I'm sorry, what?
John: So Mary Maxim took the Cowichan native handicraft and she said, well, you know, we can knit these same sweater styles except we can knit
John: things in it, like pictures of dogs or pictures of float planes or old-fashioned cars.
John: I'm looking at one with buffalo on it.
John: It looks very cool.
John: Yeah, but there are no buffalo up here.
John: It's a style that was
John: It's a real amalgam, right?
John: The local peoples took the sheeps that were from the Scots.
John: They started making their traditional woven things except out of wool with their traditional emblems.
John: And then other people took that and were like, well, why don't we use...
John: Southwestern motifs or cows or curling teams or whatever.
John: Okay.
John: So then I – so my family always wore real Cowichan sweaters from Vancouver Island.
John: That was a thing that was all the way back to the 50s.
John: My peoples wore those sweaters because it was part of the regional style.
Mm-hmm.
John: But then I started to kind of – so I have a little collection of those.
John: But then I also was like, you know, I'll collect those Mary Maxim ones too that have like wolves or like horseshoes, you know, like stuff, weird stuff.
John: So I have some of those.
John: But then I have one that's very problematic.
Merlin: Oh, dear.
John: Which is a Mary Maxim.
John: So it's something that was knitted from a pattern by a mom somewhere.
John: Right?
John: Because Mary Maxim didn't sell sweaters.
John: She sold patterns.
John: Okay.
John: And then if you were a mom, you would sit and knit sweaters for your family that had like horseshoes.
Merlin: Oh, the green one you got when you're standing in front of your RV.
John: Yeah, the green one is a perfect example.
John: And I have several of those.
John: I have ones with wool or husky dogs.
John: I have one with a float plane.
John: I have lots of them.
John: But then I have one that has a totem pole on it.
John: Oh.
Merlin: Now, the totem pole is— The first First Nations pole.
John: Yes.
John: It is a regional—it's regionally specific.
John: The totem pole is a northwestern emblem.
John: But this—but the totem pole itself was not part of the Cowichan, like, iconography in their weaving—
John: It's a thing that a Canadian mom wove into a Mary Maxim version of a cohesion sweater.
Merlin: So, like, if you're an observant Muslim person, you might wear a headscarf, but you wouldn't get a headscarf that has a funny cartoon picture of Allah on it.
Merlin: Right.
Merlin: That would be a little on the nose and probably get you in a good amount of trouble.
John: You wouldn't buy a headscarf from Pendleton.
Right.
John: But this sweater is from the 1950s when Northwest Native American co-opted iconography was part of the Northwest regional look and feel.
John: It's like Trader Vic's kind of, except in a Northwest way.
John: And so I have this sweater, and every time I put it on, I'm like, what would Jesse Thorne say about this sweater?
John: I honestly don't know.
John: You know, I sent a picture of my daughter from a thrift store one time.
John: She had gone and found a... Headdress.
John: Well, no, she'd found in the thrift store, she'd found like a paper umbrella that was obviously like a tourist thing from Japantown.
John: No, but parasol.
John: A parasol.
John: And then she'd also found a silk...
John: high-necked oh boy chinese garment for little girls okay and she had found both things she recognized both things as being asian and she put them on and she was walking around the thrift store and she was like daddy you know look at me i'm like a japanese princess and i was like yes darling
John: You look beautiful.
John: But I took a picture of her and I sent her to Jesse Thorne and I was like, what's the over and under here?
John: And and he wrote back right away and he was like, either the dress or the umbrella, but not both.
John: Oh, interesting.
Merlin: And I was like, OK, well, that crosses a line.
John: of some kind of like a casual racism appropriation problem who knows i mean it's at the time she was like five and a half so it's not you know but it's like i have a responsibility to the world that's a good guy to call with a gut for a gut check though yeah so so but the thing is problems like that solve themselves because then she wandered away and the next time she showed up she was wearing a darth vader helmet or whatever like she didn't she wasn't jesse ever thought on that
John: Mm hmm.
John: No, I didn't send him a picture.
John: I wasn't like, is this cultural appropriation?
John: Yeah.
John: Star Wars appropriation.
John: But so I have this sweater and I've got a lot of different angles on it, right?
John: Like it's a it is a thing from the 50s.
John: It's Northwest appropriate.
John: But it's also like cultural co-optation in seven different ways.
John: But the whole Cowichan sweater in the first place is kind of like a specific to the region.
John: What a minefield.
John: No, like it's also the sheeps aren't native to here.
John: But they've been knitting these sweaters for 250 years because the sheeps came in whenever.
John: So, you know, 700, 1700.
John: So, anyway, very complicated.
John: And I wear this sweater.
John: But I'm not not aware of the sweater's reverberations.
John: Right.
John: It's very, very like, you know, I've got a whole I've got I've got a whole like I'm prepared to have the conversation.
Merlin: OK, yes.
Merlin: You know what I mean?
John: If somebody comes up and they're like.
Merlin: ipso facto yeah it's one it's one thing to wear a bill cosby short but it's another thing to have bill cosby in a headdress la la la